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I fell in love with my parish priest and kept my feelings hidden for a long time (close to 2 years), prayed to God to please take them from me as I knew it was pointless and fruitless, but the heart won out over the head time and time again. I told myself my feelings could not be sinful, yet I still suffered great pain. My heart ached and longed for his presence. He was to me the perfect man, possessing all the qualities I had ever wanted, problem was he wore a Roman Collar. His kindness, friendliness, charm and wit overwhelmed my very soul. I knew I was in trouble. We had similar working class and ethic backgrounds, same sense of humor. We worked in several ministries together and he counseled me a few times, but nothing inappropriate ever happened. At times I caught him gazing at me, and I could not get over feeling that perhaps he had also felt attracted. I felt he truly appreciated my kindness and love of the Catholic faith. After one of our last meetings, I told him how much I admired him and how much I appreciated his kindness, help and compassion and also how sad I and several others would be should he be transferred. I gave him a small token that said “You are Loved“ a very simple and general (not personal), acknowledgement of how ALL of us at the parish felt for him as a priest and shepherd of our church. But of course, I am sure he sensed I had very personal feelings. He acted very awkward almost like a school kid. I gave him a really big hug and held on for a long time---he did not push me away though.
Not two weeks later he made the announcement at mass that he was being transferred, and very, very far away too. Coincidence? I remember my knees buckling under me and I felt like I was going to faint. I was absolutely devastated, went home and wrote him a very long letter revealing my feelings, which I personally handed to him the next day. This later proved to be a big mistake for my emotional and spiritual well-being. At the time though I wanted the burden off my heart, but instead I just put it on him. I knew I should have run away from such intense feelings. He never once led me on or did anything inappropriate, but after having been extremely friendly to me prior to this, he suddenly backed off, which did indeed hurt me very much. That marvelous smile of his never came my way again.
He never acknowledged that letter, any future emails, birthday or holiday wishes. He simply dropped all communication. For almost 2 months I looked in the mail for a thank you note, as I gifted him with money and homemade prayer cards when he left. I was devastated. When other family and work problems came into my life later on, I asked for his prayers but he never answered me. This killed me.
I will never ever know if he ever felt any tender feelings for me…and yes I did want just a tiny piece of his heart. I suppose I will always hold feelings for him. It is the most painful thing I have ever gone through and I feel like he died.
I chose my words very carefully in that letter, as I did not want to offend in any way. Henry, I sent you a copy of it a previous email to you. I was wondering how, as a former priest, you thought my letter may have been received by him and what he might have thought of me.
Lucy,
I do not see anything inappropriate in your letter. You shared your honest feelings in a respectful way. But, I expect Fr. Jim could no longer play the game. For a priest, the game goes something like this: Flirting is ok and even welcomed but it must not be too overt. He welcomes a certain amount of affection being stirred in his heart. But, when he perceives that you are getting too close or he is falling in love, the game is up. Now he must make difficult choices and his was to leave. My guess is that he fled from his love for you if he moved unexpectedly. The game is really up for the priest when a woman expresses her love for him. Now, it is all on the table rather then in innuendo under the table.
When women love priests who are not willing to reciprocate, they are in for a lot of pain.
Henry
Henry,
You want me to ask myself why I fell for him. I have asked myself many times what the draw was. One questions was " would you feel the same attraction if he were not a priest and a free man?" Yes I know all about the "safeness and unavailability" reasons. I honestly haven't a clue as to any subconscious reason for such an intense and prolonged attachment. What made you fall in love with your wife and she for you?
What I wanted was your initial gut reaction to the contents of that letter - had you received such a letter, what would you have thought? I thought it was absolutely beautiful, very sad and heartfelt and I wanted it to touch him in some small way. I put my heart and soul into it and spent a long time carefully choosing my words. If I couldn't touch the heart of a priest, how can I touch the heart of a lesser man?
When you wake up in the morning thinking of that person, go to bed at night thinking of them, want them to be happy, worry if they are safe, long to be near them, feel your heart flutter and such tremendous joy in their presence, that true kindred spirit - are you suggesting that this can't be real love unless the object of your affection feels the exact same thing?? That is how I felt when he was there. I wanted to be his sweetheart; I wanted him to think of me as his "beloved” and feel his heart beat next to mine. Instead I am a pathetic fool.
It has been a year and a half since he left--of course I no longer feel that way, but I still think of him almost daily. I’ve stopped “feeding” the feelings and dwelling on them. What point is there in doing that? Thoughts of him are fleeting ones----not so much pining and longing, only trying to understand all of it so I can heal and truly move on and put it all behind me. Time does heal, but this one is a slow healer. I pray unceasingly to be completely free. But the only way I can totally forget him is to have a lobotomy. This is one pain I will carry with me to my grave
I feel like the biggest fool in the world for opening up my heart to this man - I do not feel I will ever be able to do this with anyone, ever again. I am humiliated and embarrassed by my very humanness. My feelings did not matter and had no significance whatsoever. What a shame that I am afraid to ever open up to someone again - this because of a priest? Sometimes the pain was so bad, it hurt to even take another breath.
Is there a course in Seminary for how to react to women who profess their love? Is it aptly called, "Rejection by Silence 101?"
What I want to say to all priests: Your calling is a worthy one for the sake of God’s Kingdom. If you are able to maintain this celibate lifestyle and push human love out of your hearts, I applaud you. But live out your priestly persona and always present yourself as truly an “Alter Christus”. In other words, to be very frank and somewhat crass, if you are a priest and therefore dead from the neck down then please act like one! Please stop the winking, wearing after shave, putting your hand on a woman's shoulder, flashing a move star smile, gazing at her, holding her hand longer than you should and being witty. I suppose God calls even handsome and charming men to the priesthood, but it is so very unfair to us lonely Catholic women who have yet to find that Godly man she so desires.
Lucy
Henry,
I wish to respond first in more detail to a previous question of yours, that of why I think I may have fallen in love with him. Now that I have given it more thought:
Ø No, I have never been attracted to other priests or to those who are public speakers. No, in no way am I enticed by “forbidden” love.
Ø Yes, of course I am attracted to someone who is kind and compassionate to me. He was. No other man in my life was, instead they turned out to be users who were cruel and ultimately insulting. He would not use women and instead respected them. He treated elderly women so sweetly as well; this impressed me. Yes, his faith and love for God was also a big draw, no other man in my life had the spiritual dimension I so sought in a mate.
Ø He had a magnetic personality and a wonderful sense of humor.
Ø He was sensitive. I saw him cry when someone sang “Ave Maria” – it truly touched me. He was able to show his broken side to us; he acknowledged he was also a sinner who struggled. He always put himself on the same playing field as the rest of us.
Ø He had a smile that also lit up a room; a smile that would melt hearts. He was also very handsome. He made sure to make people feel valued and important; he often told me I was “gifted”.
Ø His eyes were deep set and very special – once during reconciliation his whole face seemed to glow. I was blown away. He was intelligent without being intimidating. He would not talk “over your head” or be too philosophical.
Ø In short, I simply could not help but fall in love with the very person he was. He was an amazing and beautiful soul!
Would I have felt guilty for him leaving the priesthood for me? Or would I have been willing to have a secret affair on the side given my Catholic faith?
No and Yes! I would have given anything to be with him! Even if it were only one time I would not have passed up the chance to have experienced what I believe would have been a beautiful union. I too have some issues with Catholic teaching; I feel that celibacy is a very noble thing IF a man is truly called to it. However, I feel the church should give them a choice. Marriage is not a lesser or inferior type of love from celibate love; it is just a different way to express it. I believe that God reveals himself to us in many ways, and one of the ways is with human love and the marital bond!
I am well into middle age and have never felt this way about anyone, not even for my husband on my wedding day. No comparison, not even close. I am now divorced and people may think I just did this psychological “transference” thing they talk about. Perhaps there are elements of that, I do not doubt it. But no, he did not just counsel me (only 3 brief meetings over 2 years). No instead it was seeing him regularly as I was very active in my parish. I loved assisting him in various ministries; I truly cherished that and miss it very much. (For months I found it hard to walk into that church and I even dropped out of many ministries for a while. )
We would have been fornicating if sexually involved and he remained a priest. Then he would have had two sins on his soul: breaking his vows and fornicating. This is the guilt the Catholic Church puts on people who love each other. We would both have lost our souls for acting in such a selfish manner. This is what I have been taught and told to believe. But despite knowing this, I do not doubt I would have been with him either way. I took a very brave and very great risk by putting myself out there and telling him how I felt. I lost though--as he rejected me and rejection and unrequited love is one of the most painful human experiences there is. You thanked your wife for her courage to share her feelings and view it as a gift from God; I got no such response (sad). I am now an emotional mess who needs healing. I’m definitely not an emotionally healthy woman! Oh how I wish HE could somehow read this!
According to the Church hierarchy, I am a heretic for not believing every single teaching and therefore deemed unworthy to receive our dear Lord in Eucharist with this mortal and sacrilegious sin on my soul. But God still sits on his mighty throne and ultimately He alone is the only one who truly knows my heart, my intentions and my struggles—He alone will be the judge of my love for this priest.
Lucy
To comment on this post click on "comments" below.
If you would like to share your experience of loving a priest, please email it to henry@leavingthepriesthood.com.
This blog is part of the renewal efforts of http://www.leavingthepriesthood.com/.
Monday, December 8, 2008
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253 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 253 of 253I am overjoyed at finally figuring out how to put a name to my comments. Yes. I am technologically challenged. The previous two comments posted Dec 10 2014 under Anonymous are mine.
Since there don't seem to be any posts for quite some time until now, I hope and pray that all who have posted previously have reached some level of healing.
it is all making me totally sick. I see far too much of forgiveness and oh how his promise (if it has been successful one doesn't always know). these women are suffering beyond measure; they are faithful, most of the time believing people who give much of themselves away to love and be loved, to have an authentic life. my own heart is breaking. and I don't even know how he feels about me.my chief concern: will my telling him drive him away, have his Bishop send him away. if anyone knows, please do add to this and thank you that this is here.
If a priest is
"playing games" and trying to throw some "bait" out there to see who bites and then gets all mad when a woman does - then as a woman I'd say to him "Then why are you playing games with me and flirting, etc? You should know better! You're a celibate priest!" Don't let him off the hook. I've been there, so I get it...
I just read many of these entries and have found them very moving. Long ago I became very fond of a priest, and my experience entailed quite a lot of suffering. But I moved on, forgot about it all, continued with my life. Then in recent years all the child-abuse scandals hit the news, and I thought of how badly in need of reform the Catholic Church still is. If Roman Catholic priests were allowed to marry, and if women were allowed to become priests, I think there would be far less abuse of children, an end to the priest shortage, and a happier, healthier church (and world!) overall!
Now in my late 50s, I've finally found the time to take up projects of my own, and writing is one of them. I decided to write a novel that would not only be a love story but would also contribute to the movement for change and reform in the Catholic Church. Sometimes a good engrossing novel is an excellent way to get people interested in important issues that need reform. Here is the link to my book, Beatrice Aflame: perhaps you will want to read it (paperback or Kindle edition):
http://www.amazon.com/Beatrice-Aflame-Kimberly-Labor/dp/1507579683/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1422130737&sr=1-1&keywords=Beatrice+Aflame
With love and best wishes, K Labor
I just read many of these entries and found them very moving. Long ago a priest and I became fond of each other, and the experience entailed quite a lot of suffering. But I moved on, forgot about it all, continued with my life. Then in recent years all the child-abuse scandals hit the news, and I thought of how badly in need of reform the Catholic Church still is. If Roman Catholic priests were allowed to marry, and if women were allowed to become priests, I think there would be far less abuse of children, an end to the priest shortage, and a happier, healthier church (and world!) overall!
Now in my late 50s, I've finally found the time to take up projects of my own, and writing is one of them. I decided to write a novel that would not only be a love story but would also contribute to the movement for change and reform in the Catholic Church. Sometimes a good engrossing novel is an excellent way to get people interested in important issues that need reform. Here is the link to my book, and perhaps you will want to read it (paperback or Kindle edition):
http://www.amazon.com/Beatrice-Aflame-Kimberly-Labor/dp/1507579683/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1422130737&sr=1-1&keywords=Beatrice+Aflame
With love and best wishes, K Labor
Thank you Kimberly. I have your book on Kindle and look forward to the read.
Thank you very much, Henry. I will look forward to any feedback you may want to share about Beatrice Aflame.
I went through the RCIA program last year. I have been married for 21 years. My husband has chosen to be celibate for the past 9 years. I didn't originalaly think much about Fr. He's very shy. I asked the most questions in class. He would say if people didn't mind he'd fini answering later so the clas was out before 10pm. My husband knew when I was and we'd stay and talk theology until midnight or 1am. He'd follo me home to make sure I got home safely. I have chronic health problems and when I'd miss class he'd come over right when the kids were getting off the bus so we could do my homework and he'd help them with theirs.
There was lots of eye contact flirting that started about half way through. But I'm really a flirty person. At church I hugged Monsenior and the other two priests no big deal, people know it's me. Then 7 months ago, in September, he call and says it's an emergency he must come over. He want to come 1 hour prior to my husband being home from work. He tells me someone in the parish reported him to the bishop for inappropriate behavior with ME! And we can't be home with just my kids my husband must also be home at the house when we are there. Then he says. "I don't know who found out but I love you." And I said, "if I wasn't married I'd want to be with you and I just realized that this week but only told myself." Then my husband came home Fr. told him what happened. And that nothing had happened with us. We all spoke to Monsenior and cleared his name. But I cant stop loving him. I'm getting sicker. Im bedridden now, and 42. But still pretty. And he makes me light up. I live for the moments I see my girls and him. My husband is abussive and too much like a roommate. I just needed to share.
To Anonymous of Feb 24th - I did confront the 'boy priest' with his behaviour, I told him that he was seductive and flirtatious and more, and every single time, he managed to turn it against me. He made it out to be my fault or said that I was imagining things. Lie lie deny deny - that is their motto. When they are confronted, they will do anything to protect themselves from being found out, including throwing more blame on the woman 'temptress' and paint the woman black when she is not the one entirely at fault. His lies and denial of his behaviour toward me were like a slap in the face - they were so unexpected and such a fallacy, it took my breath away that a 'man of the cloth' could lie and deny the truth that way. Boy, was I naive. Before they become priests, they are human and all humans are fallible.
To Kimberly Labor - I have ordered your book in paperback and look forward to reading it.
Ella
Ella, your April 17 comment is very heart-wrenching. I understand, and I feel with you. Thank you for ordering my book Beatrice Aflame. I hope it will be of some comfort and inspiration to you. K Labor
Thank you for empathising, Kimberly. Not sure what the hold-up is on Amazon.ca for your book, but I'm still waiting ...
Ella, Sorry to hear of the delay with Beatrice Aflame. Have you verified that your order went through with Amazon Canada? Readers have told me that ordering via Amazon.com USA is the fastest and that orders via other Amazon outlets outside the USA tend to go slower. So best to verify that your order indeed was received by Amazon. I'm looking forward to your feedback!
With love and good wishes, K Labor
Kimberley, my order thru Amazon.ca has been received and verified but the book has not shipped yet. It may be a stock issue? I'll give it a week or so and then contact them. Thanks.
Kimberly, I have received and am in the throes of reading Beatrice Aflame. Wow. Beatrice and I have a few things in common! I would like to be able to discuss the book with you and am wondering if you would feel comfortable to share email addresses, perhaps thru Henry? Thanks.
Hi Ella, am thrilled you are finding Beatrice Aflame intriguing! I would love to hear your comments and chat with you: please feel free to email me at mozfaure@gmail.com I am going away for a few days but will be back online on Friday of this week. I will enjoy the conversation with you, I am sure!
Take care, K Labor
Thank you, Kimberly! I look forward to our "intense" conversation!
Safe travels, Ella
This remark bothered me: " Those priests who are able to be sexually continent deserve to be sainted and women must respect and love them enough to let them be."
Why do Catholic women need priests to be saints and view themselves as the temptresses who should "let them be"? There aren't any saints! Priests who are "sexually continent" are most likely having a relationship with themselves, which is bad for them, too. When will this madness end? Catholic churches are going bankrupt left and right because the lawsuits against the dioceses by victims of the "sexually continent" [to all outward appearances] are more than they can withstand. But the shuffling around from one parish to another of molesting priests only caused the problem to snowball so the blame can be laid squarely at the feet of the bishops.
You know who the real "saint" will be? The pope who will finally admit the Protestant Reformation was right and the Catholic church can no longer pretend its policies work or are relevant to society today. Enforced celibacy is damaging to men and the ones who are wise enough to know it never enter the seminary in the first place. So normal men don't sign on and the church gets, instead, a lot of creeps who are immature at best, pedophiles at worst, or gays who think they can escape their sexuality by becoming "neuter" or "closeted" while wearing a Roman collar . Homosexuals are not supposed to be accepted any longer, but good luck in identifying them if they persist in entering. I don't know what is more destructive--the corruption within the priesthood and hierarchy or the brain-washed attitudes of the lay Catholics, who still want their priests to be holier than themselves and believe they will be okay, just fine, if women will just keep their hands off them.
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Going through many comments here, I have the feeling there a radical misconception about the Catholic Priesthood. First, nobody is ever forced to become a priest. Long while one is still in the seminary, he is fully aware of all the requirements for the priesthood. He studies himself to know if he can give up that much for Christ and become like Christ , our high priest, whose person other priests are configured into at ordination, who gave up all things even his rights as God, for our sake. In the same way the priest freely gives up his right to an exclusive marital relationship for the sake of complete, unreserved and unencumbered devotion to service and love of us all , the people of God, and Christ. The tales of some women on this blog buttresses this point. Most of you came to fall in love with your priests because he was doing exactly what he is meant to do - shower kindness, love, compassion, understanding and genuine care for the people of God. But rather than appreciate this Christ like figure, you want to be selfish with his love by expecting him to concentrate that love exclsively on you. That would damage the very essence of his priesthood. Don't think you are the only one deeply touched by the priests goodness - imagine it if that man made everyone in your parish feel happy, loved and understood as he made you feel. Now wouldn't that be heavenly? Imagine now if a female parishioner of yours comes to snatch this beloved priest for herself, and he comes to love her and gives all his attention thereby depriving you and other parishioners of the former total commitment he showed. How would that make you feel? Finally, we tend to concentrate on the negative aspect of celibacy - the "do nots". But priestly celibacy is first and foremost not negative but positive - total dedication and love for Christ and each and every member of his body - the Church ( you and I). A married man with kids hardly has enough time for himself, much less for others. Being a pastor is not simply about delivering a beautiful homily, it is about showering on people the love of Christ especially as expressed in his sacraments, and leading them to love Christ and one another. May be if you became less preoccupied with yourselves and your feelings and spared some thought for others including your priests, you would feel much better.
Your comment shows obviously that you burn with hatred for Catholicism and the priesthood and this has led you to make self indicting comments. First of all, I doubt you are a Christian at all for your comments show you cannot and therefore do not believe anyone can live a chaste and continent life. Thats really sad. Secondly, you speak of "enforced celibacy". There is no such thing. Every person must not be a priest. The call to the priesthood also involves a call to celibacy - Catholicism is not a game of pick and choose. The priest freely gives up his right to an exclusive relationship in order to pour out an all inclusive love for humanity in the nature of Christ. It is not a bed of roses for them, but they bear it for all of our sakes and for the love of Christ. Yes, they are weak and at times may fall, but the very fact that the fall of a priest can make headlines means that greater number are really making positive efforts and that , even unconsciously, we expect much from them. Learn to have some faith in God and in the Church he promised would always be guided by his Spirit.
Why are you do afraid of the truth. So long as one is not abusive in language why are you so scared of letting his comment be seen. Or are you afraid that he would present an argument that would expose your lies and deception for what they truly are, as well as give your conscience a sting? Stop being an instrument of the father of deception. If you truly feel you are right to have left the priesthood for the sake of a woman, live with your belief and stop this obviously convulsive effort to win others over to your side to silence more firmly the truth in you trying to make itself known. The true problem you have is that you knew nor believed in God. I have read a great deal of your comments and is obvious you entered the seminary and became a priest without encountering, developing a relationship with and understanding the One you where to represent. Any priest in that position is bound to get frustrated, lose every sense of meaning and become gravely empty and lonely. Why not try to seek God and then you might just wake up. The Church is not first a social organization, It is Divine. This understanding must preceed anything and everything you say about her. God have mercy on your soul.
Anonymous,
The reason celibacy became mandatory about 1000 years ago is because priests were passing church property down to their children. Bishops had little authority over married priests who became ensconced in villages with their families. During the first 1000 years of Christian history priests could marry. The spiritual facade around celibacy you mentioned in your post was not part of the early church. Remember that in the scriptures Jesus cured Peter's mother-in-law.
The 16th century reformers rightly pointed out that the church could not supersede the Genesis passage "Be fruitful and multiply". Also, during the Reformation there was lots of disgust at the sexual immorality of priests, not unlike today. Mandated celibacy tends to breed sexually confused people, which has been obvious today as the Catholic church has paid out billions in sex abuse claims. Yes, there are very good priests doing wonderful work out there but there is also a very dark shadow hanging over the priesthood. Catholic fundamentalism continues to try to maintain the spiritual facade around celibacy and the priesthood that you mention, but this sex abuse crisis is like Toto pulling back the curtain allowing people to see the little man pulling the levers and no amount of incense can hide him.
I encourage you to read the website to get a better understanding of why 120,000 priests world-wide have left the priesthood during the last 60 years.
I support what Henry has written 100%. The celibacy mandate for priests is artificial and was fabricated by those in power centuries ago for the most worldly (not spiritual) of reasons, as Henry describes. And in practical terms, it denies our humanity and simply does not work but rather leads to egregious abuses. Readers of this blog may be interested in my novel on the subject of marriage for priests, women priests, and the clear need for reform in the Roman Catholic Church: Beatrice Aflame, available on Amazon.com in a very affordable e-edition (as well as paperback). Here is the link:
http://www.amazon.com/Beatrice-Aflame-Kimberly-Labor/dp/1507579683/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1422130737&sr=1-1&keywords=Beatrice+Aflame
Dear Henry, I read your response but I think you are terribly wrong. Yes there was a mandating re emphasis of Celibacy 1000 yrs ago but that was not when it was first declared as obligatory.We have, as early as the 4th century declarations and re emphasis on what seemed to have already been a law but was being flouted. The earliest textual evidence of the forbidding of marriage to clerics and the duty of those already married to abstain from sexual contact with their wives is in the fourth-century decrees of the Council of Elvira and the later Council of Carthage. According to some writers, this presumed a previous norm, which was being flouted in practice.
Council of Elvira (c. 305)
(Canon 33): It is decided that marriage be altogether prohibited to bishops, priests, and deacons, or to all clerics placed in the ministry, and that they keep away from their wives and not beget children; whoever does this, shall be deprived of the honor of the clerical office.
Council of Carthage (390)
(Canon 3): It is fitting that the holy bishops and priests of God as well as the Levites, i.e. those who are in the service of the divine sacraments, observe perfect continence, so that they may obtain in all simplicity what they are asking from God; what the Apostles taught and what antiquity itself observed, let us also endeavour to keep… It pleases us all that bishop, priest and deacon, guardians of purity, abstain from conjugal intercourse with their wives, so that those who serve at the altar may keep a perfect chastity.
The important papal decretals of the fourth century, which indicate the rule for all the West — Directa (385) and Cum in unum (386) of Pope Siricius; Dominus inter of Innocent I (or Damasus), and the Synod of Carthage (390) — were in fact emphatic that clerical continence belonged to immemorial, even apostolic, tradition. Patristic writings are often explicit in considering the apostles as models of the priesthood. Yet those who might have been married were thought not to have lived other than in continence. More so, with regard to the Church superceding "be fruitful and multiply", the Church cannot supercede the Word. But the the Word Himself made it clear to us:....Matthew 19:12:"others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."(For more infoconfer:http://www.vatican.va/roman_curia/congregations/cclergy/documents/rc_con_cclergy_doc_01011993_chisto_en.html.)
And this continual repetition of sexual abuse scandal gives little weight for anyone who has taken time to read the truth behind all that media propaganda. The truth that only 4% of priests from 1950 to 1970 were involved. And this is no more than the percentage of everyday men involved in abuse of minors, not to talk of the number of evangelical pastors involved, many of whom we hear nothing about. Why is this? Many reasons but one that quickly comes to mind is a track record of high level morality and integrity which the clergy has maintained. And the scandal would really attract the reading attention of millions. That means more money and popularity for the media outlets that present it in the most shocking and thus attractive fashion. Although it is very sad that such should be heard of priests at all but I think it quite unfair to these men that have sacrificed so Fr Otiwu
08068509515much to make a rash blanket judgment over some 96% innocent men for what 4% did
And this 4% is from 1950 - 1970. Beyond that the number falls drastically. In short, the scandal has absolutely nothing to do with the rule of celibacy.
Finally, I implore, unless you no longer believe, but the Church is not merely a human institution but theandric - human and divine. The Holy Spirit could not have left us in error for over 1500 years of the Church's existence when Christ clearly promised He will guide us into all truth. So in your arguments and views, give some room for faith.
Kimberly, take a look at the response I gave to Henry. Celibacy wasn't mandated for mundane reasons but ab initio for purely holy and spiritual reasons. It was suggested and exemplified by Christ himself. Right from the apostolic times it was required but for those already married perpetual continence was mandated. What happened a thousand years ago was only the addition if a punitive clause to a rule that was being flouted with grave consequences not just to the spiritual but the institutional life of the Church. Again to say celibacy denies our humanity implies that Christ, John Bp., the great apostle Paul and other apostles and saints who have given us great examples of love and holiness were less human? No. Celibacy is a greater way of loving, it is a sacrifice, definitly not always palatable, but that is the sense of sacrifice isn't it? Sacrificing the pleasures and security of this life for the sake of Christ and his Church.
At the very beginning of this long string of posts, a woman named Lucy had written "My heart ached and longed for his presence. He was to me the perfect man, possessing all the qualities I had ever wanted, problem was he wore a Roman Collar. His kindness, friendliness, charm and wit overwhelmed my very soul."
Meanwhile, in between, several other women berated themselves for having feelings for priests, felt stupid for being used by them, etc. In re-reading all this something emerges clearly. The reaction of Lucy and other women to the men "who have it all", so much more than many men are perfectly normal. As women, our basic instinct prompts us to be attracted to the finest so that our children will have good genes. It seems simplistic, but it's true. In our later years, it remains the case, although our reproductive years are done. It is the situation of these priests--who are, after all, just men--who give themselves strange airs, which is false and unnatural. The whole thing is an affront to nature, love, and the interaction between the sexes, if gently done, is actually a part of civilization as opposed to barbarity. Priests who feel they must behave coldly and even dismissively to women in order to preserve their ridiculous, lofty unattainability ought to be shamed for it. It truly is barbarous and completely opposed to what they usually preach in their sermons about love of God, fellow man, and so forth. Hypocrisy enters the picture due to the same "men of God", while cold-shouldering women who are appreciative of their seemingly good qualities, probably keeping a secret girlfriend or two--or a boyfriend, in some cases. It's not a supposition but a fact--while the actual celibacy of most priests of all ages is no fact at all. [The ones who left told a researcher named Richard Sipe the truth about their under-cover habits]. So, women, here's something else to consider. The next time you become attracted to a padre, who acts aloof--it may have nothing to do with you at all. He may already be taken and not as in "married to the church". If he gets transferred, it may not be because he's running away from you [if you wrote him a letter like Lucy did] but because the bishop is moving him out of the parish or out of town because his cover was blown on some other activity. I think I know a little about priests and some of their stories. Usually, the straight ones don't choose a sensible women for their clandestine relationships. Almost invariably, they find some strange gal whose type is difficult to describe but the like of which is all over the Catholic universe. These women put priests on pedestals, never question anything, and tend to look rather like the flower children of the 70's even now. They affect a sweet expression, a child-like quality, but don't make them angry because then they become the out-of-control children they really are. That's why priests who are of a heterosexual orientation are always in trouble because this type of women goes straight to the monsignor if she feels rejected. Why do the priests gravitate to such partners? Because they, themselves, are stuck somewhere in adolescence emotionally. These are the very words I told to a priest, a golfing buddy of mine, many years ago when he complained about some treacherous woman whom he had the misfortune to make jealous and who fit the type to a T. The priest was under investigation because the child-like qualities of the gal weren't lost on the monsignor, either. What a mess it is! Ladies, you are suffering, but you don't even know the half of what's going on!
I am a filmmaker based in LA and would am developing a film about celibacy and women who fall in love with priests. I would love to hear all your stories! Please contact me at celibacyandlove@gmail.com and I'd be happy to tell you more about the film.
All the best,
Sara Goldblatt
Hello~
I am curious as to why there are no more posts since 11 December 2014; is it that we women who love priests have enlightened the world, and the tragedies no longer occur?
Thank You
Be sure to click on "newest posts".
I thank the lovely and honest ladies who were courageous enough to write their feelings. I am married but my feelings were no way any different from what you girls feel. I cannot say that I am in love with my pastor. I do not exactly know how I feel except that I am very happy and excited when I see him or talk to him. Unlike those pastors you have described, this man is one difficult person to be with. he has a different shade of humor, he can be kind at times and very generous. he is mighty and exudes power. but people still like him because of his intellignece, wit and maybe charm. i do not know why i suddendly became attracted to him. he has been our pastor for almost 7 years but i never felt this way until last year. we never exchanged personal messages though because most of the time he is too distant. until christmas of last year. we exchanged gifts ( from my family to him and from him to my family). i would always catch him smiling and gazing at me and it would hold for as long as we can. there were times when his touch lingers longer and his voice softer and more personal. i did not know what came over him. since then i cannot take him off my mind before i sleep and when i wake up. i would want to atend his masses every day and would just stare at him.
i am thankful that i read your posts and comments though i did not read all. as for me i am not hoping for this thing o be a relationship or to take it beyond what i have been imagining. truth is i am also keeping myself distant. i believe that if he were just an ordinary man not a priest he would not be so much like this, hence, i would not be attracted to him either. funny it is that we ladies came to be attracted to priest who are far more heroically kind and gentle but then things would be a lot different should we met with them if they were not priest. (Lol). I know and believe that they too are attracted not only to one lady but several others. and most likely gazes at them the same way as he gazes at me. i do not want to make my self believe that his thing with me (i do not want to label it) is any more exclusive than the others.
although, a friend of mine told me that he saw the way he looks at me. and i told her, well he looks at others same way. and she said... well not to me. still i do not want to hurt myself and confuse this with falling in love. i know this fire will grow stronger should i will it more. it is pretty nice to have these feelings once in a while. play with it because t can make you relax and feel good about yourself. just do not overdo it.
Well, this comment section has not been visited with comments in 2 1/2 years now. Not sure if anyone is still reading here, but wanted to throw out something that I haven't seen addressed - at least directly, here on on Henry's website (Henry, please let me know if you DO have an article on this!).
I want to ask about the phenomenon of NARCISSISM in these relationships. I have been reading up on this w/respect tot he clergy and am wondering must how many of these relationships are really about the priest's narcissistic personality and his manipulation of women to get his "supply" to fill up his ego and needs.
I had been in a relationship w/a priest for nearly 8 years - no sexual - day outings, dinners, etc and it continued after he was reassigned as well. I have not had any contact with this priest in 5 years now - I grew tired of having to almost always be the one initiating outings/planning, etc after his initial "hooking" in the early years and his "charm" to worm his way into my life in a time that allowed him "entry" into my life after he learned of my miscarriage (prior to that, he would hardly say hello, and I was a lector, even and would see him in the sacristy often before/after Mass!)
Is the topic of narcissism addressed at all on this website or are others seeing patterns in THEIR relationships w/priest that mimic narcissistic behaviors???
I am thankful for this Blog. There have been many times where I have turned to these shared stories to stop me from making a bad mistake. I appreciate everyone's vulnerability and willingness to be open. The shadow looses it's power in the light of truth.
In my attraction and flirtatious exchange with a priest, I have wondered how could I, as an available, single, smart, attractive woman, develop strong feelings for an unavailable man. I've looked at my own self confidence issues and addiction to romance as a way to sooth feelings of unworthiness and abandonment. I've reckoned with my own ambiguity about being in a real relationship by letting my mind be preoccupied with longing and desire for someone who is married to an institution. In the end, my attachment to the dopamine rush of living in a fantasy world where things might work out left me disappointed and I had to wake up.
My romantic feelings for a priest was a powerful drug and ultimately a dead end road. The only way I could reckon with that is to turn away from him, stop feeding the longing for him as a love object, and turn back to the true source of love, God. In that, I felt the pain of a deep unhealed wound of abandonment, which has lead to tremendous healing and growth.
I no longer feel hooked by the priest and our once secret games. I no longer see him as an ideal man. Like in the wizard of Oz, the curtain has been pulled back and the Emerald King is revealed to be a lonely struggling man longing for deep connection and unable to create it. I empathize with him, he needs to feel his wounds too. Alas, no one can do our healing for us.
My hope is for women who fall in love with priests is step into power and responsibility. It's easy to blame and make someone out to be the abuser. In many cases that may be the truth, but I believe there is another way of approaching this love predicament in service of developing greater sovereignty. My questions to women reading this blog are:
Is this true love or love addiction?
What is the core wound that drives you to love a priest? What fears make you stay?
What kind of relationship do you truly desire to create in your life?
I am in love with a priest and don't feel any shame. I enjoy spending time with him and offering feminine care and touch. It's prayerful, sweet, and soothing.
We both have enough perspective to know that this could never evolve into anything more than two hungry people from different worlds sharing time together unseen by others. I am free to leave at any point, and likely will when another relationship comes into my life that offers greater availability and depth.
Loving a priest isn't an addiction for me. It's love without expectations. I want to be with a God loving man and right now he is the one I choose. Not for eternity, but in the eternal moment.
Grace, It's wonderful that you can have such a relationship with a priest. I do have expectations with romantic partnership. At a fundamental level, I need the man that I am with to be able to be seen together in public.
Although I've fallen into a fantasy world with the priest. he has been a mirror showing me what I truly want in my life. I love masculine, goofy, smart, geeky, stern yet free spirited men. I desire a man who knows the potential of living within the sacrament of marriage. He feels God and feels me. This priest is a bread crumb on the path towards that partnership. He is a muse and a guiding star. He isn't the One.
Rose, I understand what you mean about him being an inspiration. I feel the same way. It seems like marriage and taking vows are very important to you. I pray that the man you desire to marry comes into your life in God's time.
At some point I knew I needed to cut ties and run for the Priest sake. It became too depressing to feed a relationship that was ultimately dead. I'll never do that again.
Sex is spiritual and he felt that underneath all the conceptual armor. Luckily it's not my job to awaken him into truth. I pray God will. I've started a process that hopefully one women will ultimately benefit from. My heart goes out to him.
I had to stop going to church. It was like losing a drug. Now I am feeling better without him.
I feel I have lost my faith. Have other women experienced this after loving a priest? Everything seems like a manipulation now. I miss having spirituality in my life but when I try to believe in anything it seems like myths and lies I am only telling myself to feel better. Yes I would feel better but I would not feel safe. It feels safer to believe in nothing.
It is surely a confusing thing when a person so warm can ultimately be so cold. I want to heal and I am working hard to take care of myself because I have a good number of little people in my life who depend on me. But all day long I try to stuff the feelings and thoughts in my head that all of this is pointless and everything I was told my whole life was a lie. I don't want to fall for any lies ever again.
Maybe if some priests would stop trying to screw everyone else around them than we would all feel much better. Open your eyes, if you are celibate you are one of few who are. It is a wonderful gift you have been given if this is the case for you. So be thankful. There are many predators within the priesthood and other religious leaders. Be thankful you are not one of them and try to feel some compassion for others who are suffering. Thanks.
I am not in a relationship with a priest, although I believe there is a mutual heartfelt attraction. My gut has told me to keep distance, to see him as a crush, rather than a man to fall in love with. Although I care for his soul, I see how dangerous it would be to move too close to someone who has chosen a path that turns, arousal, attraction, and love, into dangerous territory. Love is always scary, but I've never felt that if I loved, I would lose my home, vocation, social standing, health insurance, retirement, etc. There's a lot at stake for every priest in love and my heart goes out to them. What a psychological struggle to take on!
I also feel protective of my feminine heart from the disowned shame of the masculine who must battle romantic love. I'm cautious of the emotional ramifications of his potential blame and the impact on my self-esteem if he ever angrily perceived me as a temptress. I brace for the moment I turn from a virgin to a whore in his mind. So often I have been put on a pedestal then promptly kicked off. Ouch! It's painful, especially in contrast to the loving attention of a secure available man who's done a lot of healing work.
I am not sure what the answer is here. I can only pray that when a priest realizes that he can come into a deeper relationship with God through intimacy and marriage, may he follow the call. May every woman who loves a priest and has the vocation of marriage, choose to be loved by a secure available man. If those two paths cross, then beautiful! If not, may Jesus to show the Way.
There's been a recurring dynamic with a priest that whenever I don't shine sweet loving attention his way, he gets royally pissed. Last time, he seemed so mad that I was scared he would cause a scene and humiliate me in public. It's strange, uncomfortable, and downright inappropriate.
It pisses me off because I love mass and fell unsafe now at a church I've been going to for two years. I barely lasted through the entire liturgy last time because I was afraid to receive the Eucharist from him. I'm angry but mostly confused as to why he couldn't just take a hint and leave me alone. Now I can't go back, although it's likely for the better.
What can a woman do but leave and go to another church? I am angry that the pastor at my church has a strong impact on me. I think he has borderline personality disorder and I am someone who he splits in his mind. I don't want to be a target of anger again and I don't believe a priest should be allowed to make a parishioner feel uncomfortable. How do disturbed people get in power? On the outside, he is nice and charismatic, but inside it is very very scary.
My experiences plus harsh truths and wake up calls for women:
1. Walk away and do not return to his parish. It may take a month or two to finally let go, but once you do, you will be better for it.
2. Know that when push comes to shove, he will choose his security over your wellbeing. He has a lot at stake to lose: his home, health insurance, retirement, and his social standing.
3. More than likely, he has multiple women he is emotionally stringing along. Look around and you will start seeing them. You are not the only one and there will be more after you leave.
4. He lives in denial, fear, and shame around attraction and love. He'll blame you for his feelings and it will hurt.
5. Being a secret will eat away at your sense of worth.
6. While other couples happily kiss and hold hands in public, your love will stay hidden. It will be lonely.
7. There are times you need him and he won't be there. There are times you want to embrace, and he can't.
8. He flirts with other women, it's how he copes with celibacy and it doesn't stop because you're in his life.
9. You're with someone who is psychosexually stunted. Schoolboy tactics, poor communication, emotional immaturity, and denial are apart of the territory. You can find someone more mature who is better at loving.
10. Limerance can be addictive, if you go back, let go again. Compulsive thoughts, longing, idealization, internal bargaining, and dopamine rushes and crashes are a part of the process. Detox is a thing.
11. Talk to someone who you can trust about your experience. Don't let his need for secrecy isolate you from receiving support.
12. The love story you've created is in your head and it's time to kill it. Feel the pain of what actually is happening. It will create disillusionment. Letting the romantic feelings die is a good thing.
13. You deserve better and you will find better once you let go, forgive, move on, and start dating again.
14. Don't let his behavior interfere with your relationship with Jesus. The priest is akin to a boy wearing a muscle suite pretending to be Christ-like. He may have attributes but he also has many failings. Don't confuse his behavior with the integrity of our Lord and savior.
15. Ask Jesus for help, pray about it, bring your emotions to the cross. Confide in him. He will help heal you.
How many ways does he string you along? As many ways, he needs to keep his pretty rose around.
He's groomed you to accept bed crumbs of love. He starts with flirting, kind words, and attention. Perhaps he said some sweet things in his homily that was directed towards you. Of course, only you two know that.
You start weaving your secret bond together. It's a tantalizing, electric, love-longing. You swim in joy. You're a beautiful secret that keeps his loneliness at bay.
He wants more contact, more time behind closed doors, more obedience. He wants you to commit to being his secret. To join him in a life he can only have away from the public eye.
When you refuse he gets angry. He yanks the thread of connection between you two righteously. He's the priest. He knows best.
He's frustrated that he invested so much time in you with little payoff. You're too much work. Other women who would be grateful for his attention. You're a selfish, immoral tease.
He stomps on his rose then looks for the next pretty thing to fantasize about.
You dodged a bullet and are free
Forgive him, the secret, and your mistake.
Walk away
I wrote a novel on this difficult subject, BEATRICE AFLAME: The clerical collar proves an inadequate deterrent when a New York Catholic priest and a new parishioner find themselves in the grip of mutual attraction. But the tale unfolds unexpectedly, as this 1980s woman has spiritual aspirations of her own. https://www.amazon.com/Beatrice-Aflame-Kimberly-Labor-ebook/dp/B00U0JVRLW/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1515611045&sr=1-1
Run away! He's only attractive because he is unattainable. Fantasy is rampant in unconsummated desire. You are drugged on longing. Walk away beauty. Find someone who can kiss you in public.
You are a barbie doll he projects upon. You're Mary then you're a whore. Your attraction bubbling into googly eyes. Then you're a foul taste of disdain. He does not see your nuanced, wild, intuitive, pious, feminine genius.
When he clings to ideals of chastity, he counts the numerous ways you've lured him into lustful thoughts. You have no boundaries. He'll stop making eye contact and you'll wonder if he even sees you as a person.
He is stuck. He is dead inside, and so are you. That's why you're attracted to him. The fact that you chose him of all people means that there's healing to be done in your heart. Withdraw, detox, and feel the pain.
Rewild your heart. Be free. Love a man who returns his care. A man who can touch your back and whisper in your ear sweet words in a room full of people.
Soon this priest will become a distant memory of a time you needed the idea of intimacy rather than the reality of it.
It served it's purpose but it's not love. Not the slightest, not even a little bit.
God has more planned for you. Trust, pray, and believe.
Do priests who love women and are called vocationally to do so subject themselves to double lives? Are their hearts perpetually divided? Must they consistently lie to themselves and others all the time?
They are in a place of holy responsibility and power. If they divorce themselves from their truth, then demons must spiritually influence them all the time.
I wonder if the Catholic Church understands that spiritual reality considering all the abuse. Does Pope know his priests are susceptible to dark angles due to a state of soul separation?
Since the Church forces men called to the priesthood to be in conflict with his vocation of marriage, all of us must now suffer in silence. That lie creates secrets which create institutional sin. Institutional sexual sin no less!
How much chaos the Church has created! How terribly devilish this all seems to be especially in light of all the sexual abuse scandal. The bodies and hearts of children are what is being sacrificed on the altar along with the Eucharist. How corrupt can one institution be?
I once had a crush on a priest that fueled a lot of fantasy and attraction. It was consuming. Fantasy has dissolved into reality. He's a man, full of faults and absolutely loveable. I hold strong boundaries with myself and with him. No hugging, no flirting, and no more big smiles and flashing eyes.
I see him as a priest who gives mass and hears confession. It's absent of the beautiful nuance of relating, but it's far safer than entertaining romantic potential.
I have gained a lot from the stories of Lucy and the other precious women in this comment thread. SO much love, so much trying to find God's Will while still trying to reconcile their love for their priest with the reality that this love will never quite be requited.
My story is much like the woman who was engaged to a man who then became a priest. Unlike some here, my love for my "priest" happened well before he was one. But the ending is painful and I have really had to trust God's leading in my life at this time. It's not been easy and has been a hard 15 year road for me.
I may not have room for the whole story in one post so I am going to split it up into two but I think it will speak to (I hope so anyway) most women here in some way.
Part 1:
My "priest" was originally an Air Force Pilot when we met while he was stationed in TX. He wasn't even Catholic at the time and neither was I! We met at a Protestant Church Singles function and had an immediate connection/chemistry. We were both in our 20 and I have NO doubt that he was my soulmate. He was kind, funny, witty, romantic, and had a boyish charm that I just loved! There was another girl that liked him but he had no interest in her romantically and once I came on the scene, he seemed to make it very clear that he was interested in me. BUT it wasn't romantic at first. We started with a desire to build the friendship. He deployed shortly after we met. Even though I was sad that our days together were cut short right when things were getting good, he and I were able to connect via email and then eventually phone calls from him. IN a couple of months, he returned from deployment and surprised me by showing up at my door in his flight suit (so handsome!) with a big smile! We ended up going dancing with some of our single friends that night. He danced with every other girl there before me and just when I thought I was all wrong about his feelings, he asked me to dance and admitted he was trying to get the nerve up to "ask me out". From there we started dating and then seriously dating, etc.. and were intimate both emotionally and sexually.
We started talking about marriage and eventually we were going to get married (he had a ring that I found while watching his place on deployment) but before he could ask, I broke up with him. He had come back from the last deployment arrogant and critical. As much as I loved him, I had to break up because I knew a life with this type of person was going to make me miserable. I don't know if he had some sort of PTSD OR if he was getting cocky with his new promotion coming up. It was very hard.
A few months later, he came back and wanted to restart things, wooing me with a grand gesture and even reiterating that he wanted to be with me, wanted to marry me one day... then a week or two after that, he vanished!
Part 2 to come..
Part 2 of my story:
What I didn't know then was that something was working on him in the background. It wasn't another woman, or even another man. It was a calling that had been whispering and when I came into his life, I challenged that, he fell in love, and we were soulmates. BUT that calling kept persisting I think and instead of explaining that to me, he just walked away. BUT he didn't become a priest right away. He fought it. He stayed in the A/F for 2 more years before he gave up a successful career there, walking away from a promotion to Major, and giving up all his retirement and other worldly goods to become a Dominican Order Priest.
IN the middle of all that though, we had reconnected as friends right before he was set to separate from the AF. We were close friends for quite a while. I was crushed when I learned that he had gotten his calling and was going to be a priest right after we had started up our friendship again. We had 3 visits and many emails & calls between then and the time he started novitiate and simple vows. They were good, close, warm visits... emotionally intimate but not physical anymore. I wanted to tell him how I felt when we visited, I wanted to ask him to choose me, to not go into the priesthood, to be a family and serve God together. BUT I DIDNT... I decided that the risk was too high that I would end up with not only no him but no friendship either. So I kept quiet. I loved him so very much still but I was naïve and silly enough to think that I could do this. Oh how I didn't know how many years of pain and frustration would be in front of me. I was duped into thinking my love was being "sacrificial" and I was happy to love him in the way I could as a friend. BUT I had never truly mourned the end of our dating and pre-engagement relationship so it stayed in my heart and ruminated on a regular basis even after I had moved on and gotten married.
A lot has happened in our friendship between 2017 and now that I don't have the space to write here. BUT I did finally start to realize very recently that I could not continue to try to fit my love for him into a platonic and very lopsided friendship. I had to let him go no matter how painful that was and BELIEVE ME, it was certainly very painful. I know that I will never love anyone the way I love this man. I knew unless I could either stop loving him in this way OR he was ready to leave being a priest behind, I would not be able to continue on this path.
5 days ago, I sent an email that would change the course of our future as friends. I told him I needed to let go because my love for him was too strong to be kept in and while I had these feelings, I could not do platonic friendship with him effectively and that it wasn't fair to either of us to try. It was a very painful thing to do. My heart feels ripped out. I feel like I lost a big part of myself because I have loved him for so many years.
The question "What have I learned and what is my message here" in the final part...
I have read each comment from all of you on this and so many are filled with a sincere desire to understand, heal, feel closure, etc.. from the priest they love. Reading these stories has brought a sense of validation and comfort in the fact that we are not alone. We have all loved a very precious person that we thought was going to have our best interests in mind. Whether your priest was already in his role when you met him or you lost your soul mate to the priesthood as I did, the hurt is real and the forgiveness has to be come for your heart to heal correctly. That is something you will pray and work through. You might find therapy a good way to do this. Don't expect forgiveness to happen overnight. It is work and will take time. And don't mistake it for forgetting. You will not forget this person and their mark on your heart.
As hard it is to blame God and to lose your faith, please don't. My guess is that each of you have a love for God that is getting you through this pain and you need to hold on to that! This is not God's fault. I wanted to blame Him at first. But I look more now to the Church and it's faults, selfishness, and corruptive power. Even so, I still love my Catholic faith. BUT there is also blame to be had on the priest. Don't make him a villain for he is not. Simply put accountability where it is due and ask God to heal their hearts of the intense void and immaturity that causes them to act as they have towards us.
The man I love used to be a noble, fun loving, witty,charming, kind, and empathetic soul. I know he has light in him and I know deep down he cares for people and for his vocation. But I know he struggles. Even if he (yours or mine) doesn't admit it, the vocation they are in can be terribly lonely, devoid of true authentic connection and if they dare try to feel a connection, the Church quickly reminds them that they belong to HER. They are guilted back into a corner of isolation. Some take this pent up frustration and loneliness and express it outwardly in passive aggressive behaviors. They experience (much like us) a cognitive dissonance, a push/pull, a conflict within their own soul of "Do I need this affection more or do I need the priesthood more" and they should never have been put into a place where they had to choose.
I am not excusing the priest and their behavior. They are grown men. They made the choice to be a priest. They chose and it wasn't us. But secretly, they want both.. so sometimes they will do what they can to keep one foot in each door. They want to be upright, they want to act nobly (if they are truly after God's own heart) but they miss the connection, touch, intimacy that happens in an affectionate relationship. Some will hold this in, will "Grin and bear it" and some will seek to use the other party to fill their needs whether emotionally or physically or both but their cup will be filled, not ours. Ours will be left empty and hurting. I can say if you continue in a relationship with your priest, it will continue to eat away at you. It will continue to leave you empty, frustrated, and resentful. IT is not wrong to love the man you love. The heart wants what it wants... but it becomes hurtful to our best interests when we love someone who simply cannot offer us the same love that we SO deserve!
This man MAY in fact love you very much. AND If he TRULY does love you, if he truly does want the best for your heart, he will let you go even if it hurts his heart! Consider it his ultimate act of love Remember, ladies, we are Daughters of the Most High King! In our love for these men, we cannot forget our own value.
Hi, I'm just embarking on the muddy waters of a sexual relationship with a 73 year old priest - soon to retire. I'm 46 and loving the slow dance of the unfolding friendship, kissing and sexuality. I have no expectations, and am aware I am not the first - his body tells me that. However, yes he is emotionally immature and selfish sometimes - so am I. I do worry he wants a nurse maid for his retirement with benefits and as a busy working independent woman can not do this for him. But I don't want to lose what we have which is abundant spiritual aliveness and joy together. He advised me not to fall in love with him as I would break my heart and I take that advice seriously. But, more recently it is shifting - he's valuing my input into his homilies and often quotes me - it's lovely being a muse. I like being needed and I get lonely - so does he. It works for now and we have fun together too. I'm just trying to keep it in the present and have every day as a gift as I try to do with other people I love. I don't know what will happen xx
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